The_Wargamers_Emp

[Big Fat Sergeant]

Terry, you get worse!!!!!! Keep up the good work!!!!

[Quietly insane]

MORALS .....


You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night,
when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the
bus:


1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.


2. An old friend who once saved your life ......


3. The poster girl perfect partner you have been dreaming about .....


Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there
could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue
reading.


This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part
of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is
going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take
the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be
the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able
to find your perfect mate again.






YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS.....................




The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble
coming up with his answer. He simply answered: 'I would give the car
keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I
would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.'


Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn
thought limitations.


Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'




HOWEVER.....






The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery as National Healthcare Service is basically broke and can't afford to treat anyone, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a blinding night out .....


God, don't you just love happy endings!
_________________
Insanity - a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world

[Big Fat Sergeant]

Pete that's just worrying!!!!!!! Mostly because it's what I'd do..........................

[Quietly insane]

How about this one:

What's the difference between a lawyer and a hooker? The hooker stops screwing you after you're dead.

Another one:

How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? His lips move
_________________
Insanity - a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world

[Quietly insane]

http://f231.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f187862%5fADC9ktkAAECxSt4RZw29tFthL%2fY&pid=2&fid=Inbox&inline=1

We've all talked to this guy....




Mujibar was trying to get a job in India ..

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar,
you have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said,
'Make a sentence using the words
Yellow, Pink, and Green '

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said,
'Mister manager, I am ready'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

Mujibar said,
'The telephone goes green, green , green, green
and I pink it up, and say,
Yellow, this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works at a call center.

No doubt you have spoken to him.
I know I have.

_________________
Insanity - a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world

[Terry37]

QI, Good one! This one would be funnier if it weren't so true. I have indeed talked to him I do believe!!! No further comment, but after 20 minutes of getting no where, we were referred to 2nd level, which is in the US, the problem was fixed n less than a minute

Terry

[Quietly insane]

i've had the same experience terry
_________________
Insanity - a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world

[Terry37]

Bracelet at Tiffany ' s

A lady walks into Tiffany ' s. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends over to look more closely, she lets out a fart.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn ' t pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional salesman in a store like Tiffany ' s, and greets the lady with, ' Good day, Madam.. How may we help you today? '

Feeling uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little ' accident ' , she asks, ' Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet? '

He answers, ' Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you ' re going to s**t when I tell you the price!

[Terry37]

Husband banned from Target

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from our local Target.

Dear Mrs. Craddock,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in houseares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he would invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

[Terry37]

Three guys go down to Mexico one night, get drunk and wake up in jail. They find out that they're to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done.

The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words.

He says, "I am a priest and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens; so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and let him go.

The second one is strapped in and gives his last words.

"I am an attorney and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."

The switch is thrown and again nothing happens.

Figuring the law is on this guy's side, they let him go.

The last one is strapped in and say's "I'm an electrical engineer, and I'll tell you right now, you'll never electrocute anybody if you don't connect those two wires."

God rest his soul.

[Terry37]

A man boarded a plane with 6 kids.


After they got settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, 'Are all of those kids yours?'
He replied, 'No. I work for a Condom company. These are customer complaints.'

[Quietly insane]

lol
_________________
Insanity - a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world

[uriahheep2]

lol